Normally I post about my experiences or observations on this blog. It's a way for me to reflect on things that I've gone through or observed about life in a different country. It's also a way to inform my friends, family and anyone else who is interested about life in Ecuador. Tonight I'm taking a break from that, and I'm writing about something much more important: true love.
I am a total romantic. It doesn't matter if it's complete cheesy- sweet words, holding someone's hand, a gift of flowers- any thoughtful gesture of affection melts my heart. I love the idea of love.
I am also very driven. It serves me well in most other areas of my life. If I want something, I figure out how to get it, and I work until I have what I want. I wanted to come to Ecuador a little over 3 years before I made it here, but believe me waiting was not easy.
In addition, I'm impatient. Being this way doesn't mean I don't have to wait. Instead, it means that I have a bad attitude while I'm waiting. I tend to complain or rush things so they can be the way I want them sooner. When I do that- things don't turn out the way I had hoped.
These three things make being single difficult for me. When a husband wraps an arm around his wife in church, I think "I want that." When the possibility of a friend becoming more enters my mind, I think "Ok, so what do I need to do to make it happen?" And almost every time another friend starts a relationship, gets engaged, or posts romantic pictures on social media I can't help but wonder, "When will it be my turn God?"
Because of my weaknesses, I have hurt others and I have hurt myself. I feel awful because of that. Even though we've already talked, if you are reading this and I ever hurt you, I'm truly sorry.
Tonight, I took a walk and began to think of Jesus. I started to ponder his love for me. As romantic as I think I am- He's so much more. He is the author of love. We get butterflies in our stomachs when that special someone is around because he made us that way. We can care for someone incredibly deeply despite their flaws because He created us to be like Him. We love because God first loved us. One day Jesus is going to put his arm around my shoulder and it will be a better sensation than one I could have here on this earth. When I question: "What do I need to do? What should I do?," the answer is nothing. I can't force someone to love me, and I can't do enough good things to make God love me. Jesus already did everything for me. And as far as when it'll be my turn, well my question shows that I have forgotten how I have already been chosen. God, the creator of the universe--visible things like the Loja mountains and invisible things like forgiveness and love-- wants me to be his. For now, He wants me all to himself and maybe one day He'll be willing to share, but one thing is for certain- I'm going to remain his for all of eternity.
That's True Love.
B E A U T I F U L! That s true love. lots of blessings my lovely friend!
ReplyDeleteI feel you, girl. I would add, positive thinking helps. :-) Before going to sleep, try to imagine that you are in a sound, working relationship, imagine the details. And sooner or later the Right One will come along and you will recognize it. Maybe not at first, but you will. Much love! <3
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