Single Christian Foreigner: Thoughts on True Love

Normally I post about my experiences or observations on this blog. It's a way for me to reflect on things that I've gone through or observed about life in a different country. It's also a way to inform my friends, family and anyone else who is interested about life in Ecuador. Tonight I'm taking a break from that, and I'm writing about something much more important: true love.

I am a total romantic. It doesn't matter if it's complete cheesy- sweet words, holding someone's hand, a gift of flowers- any thoughtful gesture of affection melts my heart. I love the idea of love.

I am also very driven. It serves me well in most other areas of my life. If I want something, I figure out how to get it, and I work until I have what I want. I wanted to come to Ecuador a little over 3 years before I made it here, but believe me waiting was not easy.

In addition, I'm impatient. Being this way doesn't mean I don't have to wait. Instead, it means that I have a bad attitude while I'm waiting. I tend to complain or rush things so they can be the way I want them sooner. When I do that- things don't turn out the way I had hoped.

These three things make being single difficult for me. When a husband wraps an arm around his wife in church, I think "I want that." When the possibility of a friend becoming more enters my mind, I think "Ok, so what do I need to do to make it happen?" And almost every time another friend starts a relationship, gets engaged, or posts romantic pictures on social media I can't help but wonder, "When will it be my turn God?"

Because of my weaknesses, I have hurt others and I have hurt myself. I feel awful because of that. Even though we've already talked, if you are reading this and I ever hurt you, I'm truly sorry.

Tonight, I took a walk and began to think of Jesus. I started to ponder his love for me. As romantic as I think I am- He's so much more. He is the author of love. We get butterflies in our stomachs when that special someone is around because he made us that way. We can care for someone incredibly deeply despite their flaws because He created us to be like Him. We love because God first loved us. One day Jesus is going to put his arm around my shoulder and it will be a better sensation than one I could have here on this earth. When I question: "What do I need to do? What should I do?," the answer is nothing. I can't force someone to love me, and I can't do enough good things to make God love me. Jesus already did everything for me. And as far as when it'll be my turn, well my question shows that I have forgotten how I have already been chosen. God, the creator of the universe--visible things like the Loja mountains and invisible things like forgiveness and love-- wants me to be his. For now, He wants me all to himself and maybe one day He'll be willing to share, but one thing is for certain- I'm going to remain his for all of eternity.    

That's True Love.

5 Things about Loja Culture: Part 2

One of the most difficult parts of being in another country is being without family, but living here has helped shaped how I think about family. So here are a few things I've observed about family here in Loja!

Familia

Anyone who knows anything about Hispanics knows that family is of utmost importance to them. That's not new information, but it manifests itself in different ways and in my experience I have seen a new depth to this truth in Loja. 

La casa 

The easiest way to see the attention given to family here in Ecuador is living accommodations. Recently, I was talking with a student about her family. They live in one house with multiple floors. She lives with her parents and her younger sister, who is married and has two kids, on the first floor. Her grandmother, brothers, 2 sisters-in-law and their five kids live on the second floor. Then just two doors down the street, there's a house where some of her aunts, uncles and cousins live! And this isn't only her case. It's extremely common for families here to share houses, but have their separate space and personal kitchens for their family on the first or second or even third floor of the house. Compare this with the two or three times a year I used to see my cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents growing up and the difference is obvious! If the family doesn't live in the same place, they do their best to stick together. I have a friend who travels 10 hours by bus every weekend to be with his family! Proximity of living doesn't necessarily mean that they are always together, but for special holidays or weekends family is what it's all about!

Domingo

Another way family importance is obvious in this culture is Sunday. Sunday is a day for quality time with family. Tasks for work are put aside and parents spend time with their children. Stores are closed because everyone is at home or out with family. Cousins, siblings, and even grandparents meet in the park to play soccer, basketball, volleyball, or enjoy time outside. A big lunch is served and the whole gang gets together to enjoy a delicious meal. It's like Thanksgiving on a regular basis and in my eyes it's beautiful! 

Permiso

The most extreme way that I have seen family importance come into play is with asking permission. Many of my Lojano friends are around my age (20s and 30s.) And they continue to live with their parents until they get married and even then they may continue to live with the family which is also totally normal. What is still shocking to me is that they still ask their parents for permission to go out. They have curfews at 27 years old! Some have very understanding parents who do give them freedom to do as they please, but others aren't as fortunate. I've had times when adult friends weren't able to make it to an event. I later get a call that their parents didn't want them out of the house that night. This doesn't mean that they are incapable of being independent, successful, fully-capable adults. It just means that they hold their parents opinion in very high regard. As a very independent woman, whose parents let her travel alone to another country (thank you mom and dad!), many of my friends are still confused by how I have chosen to live. While this is still a difficult concept to wrap my brain around, if I have kids one day that value my opinion as much as my Lojano friends value their mothers, I would be an incredibly blessed mom.

I'm sure there's still much more to learn in regards to the culture of family here. So far I have learned how important family is. Of course there's no such thing as a perfect family because there's no such thing as a perfect person (excluding Jesus), but there is always something or someone to be grateful for. I've grown to appreciate my own family more by being here. I've also grown in gratitude for friends who look out for me. Some of my lovely friends with wonderful families have welcomed me into their family world to share special moments. So I want to say thanks to those friends and to my own family. You're the best!