Quick Side Note: When I started this post I didn't realize how much I would have to say about each topic, but now that I've finished I've decided to post each week on one more topic until I run out. Enjoy!
Cariño
Cariño is a Spanish word that I can't quite translate into only one word in English. For me, one word translation simply doesn't carry the weight that Cariño does in Spanish. So here's what I would say it is: a combination of affection, caring, compassion, loving kindness, and fondness. I first met Ecuadorians a few years ago, and we made instant connections and fast friendships. They captured my heart and I didn't really know why. Now I can easily say it's their Cariño. Now obviously not every person from Loja is incredibly kind and warm-hearted. Some are pessimistic. Some are anti-social. Some complain and gossip. BUT, to the ones I've opened up my heart and my life to- they have welcomed me in without judgement. As a young teacher, I still ask many questions of my friends who have greater experience, and not once have I felt like my questions were a nuisance to them. Most of my friends from church don't know English, but I never feel less-than because it might take me longer to express my thoughts in my second language. Even my neighbors, Carmita my landlady, or Gustavo the family man who works at local market where I shop are happy to advise me when I need help (which was a lot when I first got into town!).
When it is decided that someone is important to them, they not only say it- they show it! Along with saying thank you regularly, many students give teachers small gifts on their birthdays. One time, one of my classes decided to bring me pizza and cake to celebrate a special occasion! I've also received flowers and chocolates on multiple occasions. Co-workers take moments to smile and ask how things are going. We have been reminded to keep the conversations short because we are there to work after all. Friends have fun experiences together and make time just to chat. One of the biggest cultural shock moments I had when I first arrived to Ecuador was the time when some friends decided to get together and I asked them what we would do, and they said "probably just hang." In the States that might mean, we'll watch a movie, look up youtube videos, play cards, or play video games. No matter what there will be some kind of entertainment at least according to my experience, but not in Ecuador. That night we got together at a friend's house, and we just chatted. "Just hanging" means probably listening to music, maybe drinking tea or coffee, and talking. I've spent countless valuable hours just talking with my friends. The purpose of being together is to focus on each other not on some form of entertainment, and I love it!
Cariño is also seen in boy-girl interactions and romantic relationships. I've seen it with my friends. Men are gentlemen here. They open doors, carry in groceries when we buy out for a party, carry anything heavy that needs transport. They offer their arm or jacket if it's cold outside, walk friends home at night and some even walk closer to the road. It's a protective thing. While some independent women from the States might find it offensive, I think it's incredibly sweet.
These are things many men do just for their friends. It's definitely heightened in romantic relationships. I see it all the time: people taking a moment to kiss shortly before they part on the street, and couples walking hand in hand. It's adorable and I love it! Two of my friends have been married for over 15 years and the way he treats her is the best way I can think of to describe Cariño in a romantic relationship. If they are together, he is touching her somehow- by putting his arm around her, resting his hand on her knee, or holding her hand. He'll also go out of his way to help her out with things she needs and sometimes even small things that she wants. It's clear that she is his sweetheart and he adores her. She usually responds with a sweet smile and a thank you. He wanted to make her happy and he was successful. It melts my heart! Even the Spanish language has expressions to show different levels of affection that English doesn't which are often said in those romantic relationships.
To those who still don't understand why I would ever want to leave the United States and come to a foreign country with a foreign language and a foreign culture, I hope this clears up some confusion. I also hope that I have learned from my friends how to show Cariño back to them and to others.
When it is decided that someone is important to them, they not only say it- they show it! Along with saying thank you regularly, many students give teachers small gifts on their birthdays. One time, one of my classes decided to bring me pizza and cake to celebrate a special occasion! I've also received flowers and chocolates on multiple occasions. Co-workers take moments to smile and ask how things are going. We have been reminded to keep the conversations short because we are there to work after all. Friends have fun experiences together and make time just to chat. One of the biggest cultural shock moments I had when I first arrived to Ecuador was the time when some friends decided to get together and I asked them what we would do, and they said "probably just hang." In the States that might mean, we'll watch a movie, look up youtube videos, play cards, or play video games. No matter what there will be some kind of entertainment at least according to my experience, but not in Ecuador. That night we got together at a friend's house, and we just chatted. "Just hanging" means probably listening to music, maybe drinking tea or coffee, and talking. I've spent countless valuable hours just talking with my friends. The purpose of being together is to focus on each other not on some form of entertainment, and I love it!
Cariño is also seen in boy-girl interactions and romantic relationships. I've seen it with my friends. Men are gentlemen here. They open doors, carry in groceries when we buy out for a party, carry anything heavy that needs transport. They offer their arm or jacket if it's cold outside, walk friends home at night and some even walk closer to the road. It's a protective thing. While some independent women from the States might find it offensive, I think it's incredibly sweet.
These are things many men do just for their friends. It's definitely heightened in romantic relationships. I see it all the time: people taking a moment to kiss shortly before they part on the street, and couples walking hand in hand. It's adorable and I love it! Two of my friends have been married for over 15 years and the way he treats her is the best way I can think of to describe Cariño in a romantic relationship. If they are together, he is touching her somehow- by putting his arm around her, resting his hand on her knee, or holding her hand. He'll also go out of his way to help her out with things she needs and sometimes even small things that she wants. It's clear that she is his sweetheart and he adores her. She usually responds with a sweet smile and a thank you. He wanted to make her happy and he was successful. It melts my heart! Even the Spanish language has expressions to show different levels of affection that English doesn't which are often said in those romantic relationships.
To those who still don't understand why I would ever want to leave the United States and come to a foreign country with a foreign language and a foreign culture, I hope this clears up some confusion. I also hope that I have learned from my friends how to show Cariño back to them and to others.
